Recently, I was in a relationship that was quite unusual for me. I dated a striking, but reserved young lady, who just so happened to be a widow. It was beyond the normal scope of things for me. I knew something was different, but I didn't feel like something was "funny". She was preoccupied by the situation, which made sense to me.
Often times, guys have to play a strong game with women. Understandably, it's part of the dating process these days, and I'll admit I do it too. This situation was different. It was not the time nor the place to act that way. I didn't have to get the "upper hand" - in fact, that would have been quite a nasty thing to do.
Needless to say, the whole experience was humbling, and I learned a few things that I'll share with you.
As I mentioned above, it's not a time to play the cut throat. You have to know that you aren't just here for a wild fling. You'll have to be very understanding of the situation. She isn't trying to put a guy through the grinder, like many women do. She's trying to feel normal, and to move on with her life. You are dealing with an emotionally wounded person, so act appropriately.
If you find yourself in this situation, you must make an active choice whether to stick with it or not. It's not an easy situation, so consider that before moving forward. If there are children in the mix, it can be tougher, exponentially even. You aren't a bad person if you decide not to stay, for whatever reason.
If you do decide to stay with her, understand that there are a few things you'll have to live with. The first is the fact that you can't replace the husband. Remember that he was taken from her. I encourage you not to try. The grieving process can be difficult and uneven. Allow her to grieve when she will.
This can be tough, as any little thing can remind her of the deceased. That is why you need to make a decision and stay with it. A perfectly great night can be ruined in a moment, and there is little to be done about it.
Something else to remember is this: allow her to escape this issue, even if for a short time. Be an outlet for some fun. She'll move on quicker, and the night will seem like any other date. Just push for fun, some excitement, but be mindful. Any don't bring HIM up. That's the last thing either of you wants. If she wants to talk about it, let her, and move on from the topic when you are ready.
In light of what I've written above, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't push to get her into bed. That should be something she controls. Flirting, and letting her know she is desired is a good thing, but understand that she'll move on that when ready.
Over time, things will change. Just have some tact, and treat her like a normal human being. The romance could move from there, but understand the situation and let the chips fall where they may. It will be a better situation for both of you. - 16035
Often times, guys have to play a strong game with women. Understandably, it's part of the dating process these days, and I'll admit I do it too. This situation was different. It was not the time nor the place to act that way. I didn't have to get the "upper hand" - in fact, that would have been quite a nasty thing to do.
Needless to say, the whole experience was humbling, and I learned a few things that I'll share with you.
As I mentioned above, it's not a time to play the cut throat. You have to know that you aren't just here for a wild fling. You'll have to be very understanding of the situation. She isn't trying to put a guy through the grinder, like many women do. She's trying to feel normal, and to move on with her life. You are dealing with an emotionally wounded person, so act appropriately.
If you find yourself in this situation, you must make an active choice whether to stick with it or not. It's not an easy situation, so consider that before moving forward. If there are children in the mix, it can be tougher, exponentially even. You aren't a bad person if you decide not to stay, for whatever reason.
If you do decide to stay with her, understand that there are a few things you'll have to live with. The first is the fact that you can't replace the husband. Remember that he was taken from her. I encourage you not to try. The grieving process can be difficult and uneven. Allow her to grieve when she will.
This can be tough, as any little thing can remind her of the deceased. That is why you need to make a decision and stay with it. A perfectly great night can be ruined in a moment, and there is little to be done about it.
Something else to remember is this: allow her to escape this issue, even if for a short time. Be an outlet for some fun. She'll move on quicker, and the night will seem like any other date. Just push for fun, some excitement, but be mindful. Any don't bring HIM up. That's the last thing either of you wants. If she wants to talk about it, let her, and move on from the topic when you are ready.
In light of what I've written above, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn't push to get her into bed. That should be something she controls. Flirting, and letting her know she is desired is a good thing, but understand that she'll move on that when ready.
Over time, things will change. Just have some tact, and treat her like a normal human being. The romance could move from there, but understand the situation and let the chips fall where they may. It will be a better situation for both of you. - 16035
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