Most of us believe that once trust is broken in a relationship that it can't be restored. However, there are several specific things you can do if you wronged your mate and broke the trust in your relationship.
Step 1. You accept blame. That is radical and unusual. You dont obfuscate, give lame excuses, or blame your ex. You just say I screwed up, and this is what I did. I cheated on you. This is very powerful Emotional Logic. When we have been wronged one of the things we are wondering is if our ex knows what they did wrong. Do they know it or are they thinking it was somehow not that big a deal? Step 1 takes care of this for your ex, it makes it clear you own and are fessing up to it without all the bs.
This is a very powerful way to begin to rebuild trust! It is very far from all the excuses and obfuscation we usually get when there is a big problem. I messed up and I accept responsibility is a potent act - if you mean it and are sincere.
Step Two follows right on top of this. You then need to acknowledge that you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain caused.
Look, your ex is hurting! They may be furious with you, or they may feel sad and broken hearted. They are in emotional pain. So you fess up to that to, since you caused all the pain theyre feeling. Hey, not only did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain. I hurt you deeply, I made you feel worthless, like I didnt appreciate and respect you. I know I broke your heart
Amazing! This too is different from what your mate expects to hear. Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused. You've not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
When most of us say "I'm sorry!" it doesn't work because the apology doesn't include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you've done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but this is a great start. - 16035
Step 1. You accept blame. That is radical and unusual. You dont obfuscate, give lame excuses, or blame your ex. You just say I screwed up, and this is what I did. I cheated on you. This is very powerful Emotional Logic. When we have been wronged one of the things we are wondering is if our ex knows what they did wrong. Do they know it or are they thinking it was somehow not that big a deal? Step 1 takes care of this for your ex, it makes it clear you own and are fessing up to it without all the bs.
This is a very powerful way to begin to rebuild trust! It is very far from all the excuses and obfuscation we usually get when there is a big problem. I messed up and I accept responsibility is a potent act - if you mean it and are sincere.
Step Two follows right on top of this. You then need to acknowledge that you caused your mate pain, and here is the pain caused.
Look, your ex is hurting! They may be furious with you, or they may feel sad and broken hearted. They are in emotional pain. So you fess up to that to, since you caused all the pain theyre feeling. Hey, not only did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain. I hurt you deeply, I made you feel worthless, like I didnt appreciate and respect you. I know I broke your heart
Amazing! This too is different from what your mate expects to hear. Instead of excuses, you really seem to understand the damage you caused. You've not only taken the blame, you have owned up to the pain you caused.
Using the best words you can find, describe the emotional damage you think you caused. You want your partner to get a good sense that you understand the emotional damage you caused them. This is critical to rebuilding trust.
When most of us say "I'm sorry!" it doesn't work because the apology doesn't include these two steps. Accept blame and acknowledge the pain you caused your mate. When you've done this, you are well on your way to rebuilding trust. There are more steps to it, but this is a great start. - 16035
About the Author:
You can discover a 7 Step Plan to get your ex back in a book about How To Get Your Love Back Now. John Laney teaches relationship skills and you can get a free course here on 7 Vital Relationship Advice Insights You Should Know.
