There has been a lot of debate about how attraction governs our relationships. You might have been in this situation: You are dating a beautiful woman, things are great, and you are having fun. Eventually, somewhere down the line, the attraction fades, and you realize you barely know this person. The relationship tanks.
How does this happen, and how do we prevent it?
First you must understand that there are several components of attraction. The first is what everyone knows, the physical side of things. This is the part that generally fades. After awhile, we tend to focus on what we don't like about a person physically, rather than what attracts us.
For a man, I think it's hardwiring. We're born to be problem solvers. So we look at what we don't like about us and try to fix it. Unfortunately, a bit of that thinking leaks over into our relationships. It can be a bad thing, but know this - physical attraction can be resparked, and it's a wonderful thing when it does.
We'll get to that later. Let's look at the other components of attraction. The next part has to do with physical closeness. A close companion to the first part, it has to do with exciting our sense of touch.
Have you ever been with a woman who merely had to touch you to get you excited? It can be exhilarating. The touch says she wants you, is attracted to you, and later on, loves you.
It's a reassuring feeling, and serves to deepen our caring about the other person.
The next part is tricky. It has to do with our competence. In any relationship, you will have some sort of balance between the aspects each person brings forward. In general, you have people of the same "caliber" attracted to each other. It's a matter of what is important to them - intelligence, physical prowess, social skills, etc.
Take a celebrity couple, for example. They are provided the reassurance that stardom brings on a daily basis, so they don't intimidate each other, at least not on a massive scale. A person off the streets can't say the same thing, most of the time. Luckily, this is the least important and influential part of attraction.
The next part is that of mutual liking. Simply put, if they like you, and are not a needy type, odds are that you'll like them more than if the feeling wasn't reciprocated.
How you operate together as a whole is the last part, and can make or break attraction. Do you complement the other person? Like attracts like, but opposites attract too. Take a look at how the whole relationship works together. You might be an outgoing extrovert, and her a shy type. But you agree in most of your views. Or you can reverse that situation. It's all about how you mesh together.
Now that we've outlined what compromises attraction, let's look at what we can do to keep it going.
The first thing to remember is this: if it is going to fade, it will fade. That goes for either person. You can try and keep them attracted, but it might not always work.
On the physical end, there is much you can do. The first is obvious - physically try and keep yourself in shape. Many people slip during a relationship, and get out of shape. Or fail to take care of themselves. Your mate will take note of this. A bit of maintenance goes a long way.
Next, try to be objective about your relationship, and focus on what you DO like about your mate physically. This can't stop physical attraction from fading but you'll appreciate them more.
Another part of this is much harder to change, but it helps most of these aspects. Allow her to be herself. Sounds simple, but we find ways to control, and keep a firm grip on the other person. Often, out of fear that they'll leave us. It can be a self fulfilling prophecy. If you show yourself to be confident, and have taken a great interest in her as a person, she'll find it hard to stray.
Just allow her to do things that allow her to be her. If she's a flirt, let her! If you've done what you need to do, she'll come back to you.
As far as liking goes, if you do your diligence, and take an interest in her as a person, you'll find that you have someone who will remain loyal to you, and attracted as well.
If you can find how you mesh together early on, then your attraction will probably thrive in the long run. Most relationships fail in part due to this. Many, many couples fail to reconcile differences in civil fashion. Being able to do so IS how you complement the other person. Find the opposing parts, and learn to thrive off the energy created, instead of allowing it to dissolve things!
Work diligently and you can sustain attraction for years, even decades. Look at elderly couples if you don't believe me. Work hard and focus on the good! - 16035
How does this happen, and how do we prevent it?
First you must understand that there are several components of attraction. The first is what everyone knows, the physical side of things. This is the part that generally fades. After awhile, we tend to focus on what we don't like about a person physically, rather than what attracts us.
For a man, I think it's hardwiring. We're born to be problem solvers. So we look at what we don't like about us and try to fix it. Unfortunately, a bit of that thinking leaks over into our relationships. It can be a bad thing, but know this - physical attraction can be resparked, and it's a wonderful thing when it does.
We'll get to that later. Let's look at the other components of attraction. The next part has to do with physical closeness. A close companion to the first part, it has to do with exciting our sense of touch.
Have you ever been with a woman who merely had to touch you to get you excited? It can be exhilarating. The touch says she wants you, is attracted to you, and later on, loves you.
It's a reassuring feeling, and serves to deepen our caring about the other person.
The next part is tricky. It has to do with our competence. In any relationship, you will have some sort of balance between the aspects each person brings forward. In general, you have people of the same "caliber" attracted to each other. It's a matter of what is important to them - intelligence, physical prowess, social skills, etc.
Take a celebrity couple, for example. They are provided the reassurance that stardom brings on a daily basis, so they don't intimidate each other, at least not on a massive scale. A person off the streets can't say the same thing, most of the time. Luckily, this is the least important and influential part of attraction.
The next part is that of mutual liking. Simply put, if they like you, and are not a needy type, odds are that you'll like them more than if the feeling wasn't reciprocated.
How you operate together as a whole is the last part, and can make or break attraction. Do you complement the other person? Like attracts like, but opposites attract too. Take a look at how the whole relationship works together. You might be an outgoing extrovert, and her a shy type. But you agree in most of your views. Or you can reverse that situation. It's all about how you mesh together.
Now that we've outlined what compromises attraction, let's look at what we can do to keep it going.
The first thing to remember is this: if it is going to fade, it will fade. That goes for either person. You can try and keep them attracted, but it might not always work.
On the physical end, there is much you can do. The first is obvious - physically try and keep yourself in shape. Many people slip during a relationship, and get out of shape. Or fail to take care of themselves. Your mate will take note of this. A bit of maintenance goes a long way.
Next, try to be objective about your relationship, and focus on what you DO like about your mate physically. This can't stop physical attraction from fading but you'll appreciate them more.
Another part of this is much harder to change, but it helps most of these aspects. Allow her to be herself. Sounds simple, but we find ways to control, and keep a firm grip on the other person. Often, out of fear that they'll leave us. It can be a self fulfilling prophecy. If you show yourself to be confident, and have taken a great interest in her as a person, she'll find it hard to stray.
Just allow her to do things that allow her to be her. If she's a flirt, let her! If you've done what you need to do, she'll come back to you.
As far as liking goes, if you do your diligence, and take an interest in her as a person, you'll find that you have someone who will remain loyal to you, and attracted as well.
If you can find how you mesh together early on, then your attraction will probably thrive in the long run. Most relationships fail in part due to this. Many, many couples fail to reconcile differences in civil fashion. Being able to do so IS how you complement the other person. Find the opposing parts, and learn to thrive off the energy created, instead of allowing it to dissolve things!
Work diligently and you can sustain attraction for years, even decades. Look at elderly couples if you don't believe me. Work hard and focus on the good! - 16035
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